Life...

Well, it has certainly been awhile since I posted, and I can definitely tell you it was not due to lack of things to discuss!!  As of this past weekend, I officially became a high school graduate, and am now working to transition into the life of a full time college sophomore!  Crazy, right??  Anyway, this past weekend has left me full of opposite emotions, but through it all, there are three strong ones I would like to talk to you about.  These are three emotions that, I believe, we all share, no matter what point you are at in your life.  1) What's next?  Am I following God's plan for me?  Does He have a plan for me?  Could I get a sneak peek of that plan?  2) How do I persevere in the face of adversity?  I know God gives me strength, and says not to worry, but I am a human, born into sin, in a society FILLED with WORRY and FEAR!  3) Am I serving those around me, in a way that is both pleasing to God, and helpful to my brothers/sisters in Christ?  Do I have the strength/faith to trust God with my tomorrow, with who I will become, with how my journey will go, with who will go with me?  Over the next few articles, we will discuss each of these in depth, but for now, lets start at the beginning... How did these emotions/questions come into my life?


For most people who do not really know me (aka. everyone but God, my mom, and my best friend), they see me as the mature young lady, who's always smiling, and must have an exciting and adventurous life, because I have accomplished so much at a young age.  Those who really, really don't know me may also see me as the quiet, slightly shy/reserved girl, who sits back from the crowd to watch and observe those in the midst of the chaos.  To each person, I am crafted into a different image in their head.  Many times, this image is what they wish to see me as.  Quietness can be taken as unsocial, or even spiteful... Accomplishments can be taken as stuck up, or boastful, even if it is not you who is talking about them!  As my high school years progressed, I began to find myself swept up by the worrisome thoughts of what others were thinking about me.  When they thought of, "Makayla," what did they think?  Try as I might, there seemed to be no way to be safe with everyone.  During my freshman year alone, I was bullied for not cussing, for obeying our coach's orders, for staying out of trouble, for making good grades, and for openly talking about my relationship with Christ!  Are any of those things bad?  Were they things I was willing to remove from my life, in order to be spared the wrath of a couple of bullies?  Definitely NOT!


As a Christian young woman, preferring to be the source of people's comfort/inspiration/joy, more than disgust/pain/hatefulness, I was really concerned with making everyone happy, but I was also hurt by the fact that sometimes my good choices were the cause of other's pain.  The problem with all that was just this.... considering everyone is SO different, and uniquely created, there is NO WAY ON EARTH to please everyone in your life!  At first I did not want to believe this.  I did not want to be making excuses for why so-in-so was jealous, or unhappy, and I could not fix it, because I felt like, if I tried just a little bit harder, I would surely, eventually, be able to succeed at pleasing them.  To this day, I still struggle with knowing what it is that "Makayla" wants, at times, because so much of my life has been absorbed in pleasing others.  You see, I was always the 'friend' they could come to for prayer, advice, counsel, or venting.... but I was rarely the friend they chose to return the favor to.  Texting/calling me at every hour of the day, but disappearing completely when their lives went back to being blissful.  You see, none of the other people in their life, they felt, could see them in this vulnerable state, because they would use it against them somehow... but I was safe, and willing to rise to the occasion.  The problem with that was, although I enjoyed being there for them, I too took on their burdens spiritually and emotionally.  That's when my relationship with God, on a friend/counselor basis, first began to form.  He was the only one I knew would always be there.  If something horrible had just happened, I did not have to call Him on my cell and hope He would pick up, I did not have to message Him on Facebook and hope He would check His page soon so we could talk, and I definitely did not have to sit around waiting for enough bars on my phone to text Him some sappy message... He was just there!  I knew that by sharing these struggles with Him, I was not spreading rumors, or gossip, I was just talking to my Heavenly Father, praying for strength and healing.  What would be gossip if I went to a fellow girl friend to vent, was now prayer for the person in trouble/pain.  Knowing that, by sharing my heart's hopes/desires for that person's life, that He might hear me, and move in their lives.  He truly became my confident.


Despite these realizations, the worry/fear never completely subsides.  It is a learning process, I as the student, my Father as the teacher.  He has been everything my heart has ever desired, and more, but I have not always been in a state of mind to accept that.  Having faith in a loving protector you cannot see, but who moves in your life daily, who holds your plan in His hands, and who knows the depths of your heart more than you do, can be challenging at times, but it is in the moments of realization where both teacher and student can rejoice at the break in the clouds of the student's heart.

Detox of Life!

As many of you may know, the season of lent is approaching, and in light of actually thinking about what would bring me closer to my purpose, and farther from my temptations/distractions, I would like to discuss "Detoxing Our Lives".


On average, we could say that most young people spend 15-18 hours awake each day.  Now, of those 15-18 hours, how many are spent literally wasting time??  With today's iPad's, iPhones, iPods, portable gaming devices, Facebook, YouTube, Netflix, Twitter, etc., even time that is meant to be reserved for school, is wasted.  All of these distractions are temptations of our time, and our character.  Do we tell mom we're studying late, so we can stay up and catch up on the Pretty Little Liars series?  Do we cheat ourselves, and God, by not fully applying every ounce of our attention to our school work, during class time?  Are our minds constantly wandering to the cyber world, because we feel it's so much safer, than the real world?  Who/what are we truly worshiping?  One heavenly God, or thousands of mind warping, materialistic gods?


What recently brought this problem to my attention, was actually.... me.  That's right!  My life has really been screwed up by 'distractions'.  For me it's: friends (who aren't the best influence in my walk with God), Facebook, Netflix, movies/dvds, junk food, and bad music.  When my life really starting going south, and I began to feel spiritually, emotionally, and physically weak, I began to wonder, "What am I really doing with the life/time God has given me?"  For many years, I thought I was living an 'okay' life. I had friends, fun, and lots of down time.  It wasn't until I was able to start truly feeling the effect of these  on my life, that I freaked out!  I was killing myself, and throwing away everything God had given me, all because I was following the lead of the media, and my friends, being apathetic towards life, and just flat out lazy!  Relationships with my family deteriorated, and I started to see the world from a sad, self-worshiping, point of view.  It was literally DEPRESSING!


As the lent season of 2012 began to roll around, I started thinking to myself, "If this season is meant for recognizing the sacrifice Jesus made for us, by sacrificing His life, shouldn't I give up these things that have become my life, and my distraction/disgrace toward Him?"  I began to think of all the things I might ACTUALLY GET DONE, with these negative distractions gone... Test taking back to a regular schedule, my driver's license, weight loss, family time, quiet time with/for God, faith strengthening, and maybe even become fluent in Spanish!  Ha, ha!  All those things, versus what I had allowed myself to become!?


After considering all I could get done, I thought of all I would be giving up... that was my comfort zone, my life, my routine... how scary would it be to walk into the darkness of change, and not know what was beyond each step?  All the cravings to return to familiar shores, all the temptations, all the torment.... was it worth it?  When I take a step back, and see who/what I've allowed myself to become, I say, "yes!  It is worth every moment!  It certainly won't be easy, and there may be days where I fail epically, but I know that God will see my repentance, my hope, and my effort to be a better person for Him, and He will lift me up, and give me the strength to finish the 'race marked out'."


If you're out there tonight, looking at your life, and wondering where it first started to slip, know that it's never too late.  Until your final breath, you have the opportunity to change who you choose to be, and to strive to live differently.  It won't be easy, and the devil will pursue you, but you will cry out, "Get behind me, Satan, for my hope rests in the Lord, God, Almighty, and you shall have no power over me, for God is on my side, and He alone remains forever in control!"  So dig deep in your hearts, find what's hurting you today, and 'cut it out' of your life for good.  I know that we can do this, but our strength must be in the Lord, our wonderful Father in Heaven, who will catch us when we fall, and cheer as we start to reach the finish line!!


God bless you, and your searching!


~ Clay

‎"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson (from Akeelah and the Bee)